


Oslo 05:59

by unfancyandy



Series: Cinema Dreams [2]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, Paris 05:59 AU, Sex Club, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-05 12:30:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfancyandy/pseuds/unfancyandy
Summary: Isak meets a young man one night during a gay orgy at an underground sex club in Oslo. After building a special connection, they meet outside the club where they realize not everything was as perfect as it seemed.Or the Paris 05:59 AU I felt compelled to write at 22:37





	1. Harder

**Author's Note:**

> This starts with Isak and Even having sex with other men. You've been warned. Don't act like you haven't. I'm not here to fight in the comments.

 

 

 

Isak had only heard about the place because of Eskild. He had suggested it about a week after he and Alfred had broken up. “Go, Isak, fuck it out of your system.”

He had shaken his head, “No thanks, Eskild. I’ll just stick to my ice cream and re-watch Breaking Bad for the seventh time.” It wasn’t that he was opposed to sex clubs. He’d walked by club Impact several times before. It looked ordinary from the outside. One would never guess there’d be so much unalduterated gay sex going on behind its doors. Isak had done a little online research. The place checked out. No fucked up stories in the local news nor history of health shutdowns.

It was just like going to the bar. Except you took all your clothes off. And you fucked.

So, when Isak found himself, months later, frustrated out of his mind (sexually frustrated, too) after several shitty blind dates, he almost couldn’t believe what he was about to do. He breathed in deeply before pushing open the door of the club. It was 04:21.

Everything was blue. The only lighting was a stark fluorescent color the shade of blueberries. Lighter blue lights reflected the disco ball in the center of the bar and danced across the skin of its patrons.

 _Skin_. Isak didn’t think he’d seen so much naked male skin in his life.

“ID please?”

Isak was snapped out of his trance. “Huh?”

“Can I see some form of ID?” the employee asked. He was the only one in clothes, a tight fitting black shirt, and jeans, a piercing in his left ear. No nametag. Isak felt dumb for searching for one. This wasn’t a fucking department store.

Well, more or less.

“Oh, right,” Isak pulled his wallet out from his jeans pocket and handed over his ID.

The employee looked at it carefully. “You don’t look twenty-two. You look like a baby, baby.”

Isak nodded, “I get that a lot.” He added a shoulder shrug for good measure.

From behind the counter with a cash register, the man pulled out an ordinary looking black bag, like one of the reusable bags Isak used at the grocery store. The employee held up Isak’s ID. “The bartender holds onto this until you’re ready to leave. Put your clothes in this, and wear this at all times. Please keep your socks and shoes on.” He passed over the bag and a circular band with a flat coin with the number 21 on it.

“What’s this for?” Isak asked, slipping the bracelet on with ease.

“Accountability, plus it’s how you’ll get your clothes back,” the employee informed.

To Isak’s left was a padded bench. He gestured to it, “I undress here?”

“Yep. Can’t go downstairs without undressing,” he filled in.

“Downstairs?” Isak asked, confused.

“First time?” the employee surmised.

Isak nodded slightly.

“If you plan on fucking, the fucking happens downstairs,” he gestured to a purple-lit stairway leading down. “Drinks stay up here.”

Isak felt his face flush warmly, “Um, what about condoms, lube? They’re in my pockets.”

The employee shook his head, “They’re downstairs. Plenty to last you 'til dawn, baby. If you feel unsafe at any moment, call out for Chris. He’s downstairs, too.”

“Err, right, Chris, thanks,” Isak nodded. He kicked off his shoes, unbuttoned his jeans, and pulled them down and off his legs. He slipped the shoes back on and unzipped his jacket, slipped it off his shoulders, and pulled the T-shirt over his head. “Do I take these off, too?” Isak asked, his fingers pulling on the waistband of his briefs.

“Yes, please,” the employee answered a little too vigorously. “I mean, do you see anybody else wearing underwear in here, baby?”

Isak didn’t answer, just promptly pulled down his briefs and carefully maneuvered them around his Adidas. The employee licked his lips as Isak handed him his bag of clothes. “What if I want to buy a drink?” Isak asked.

“You settle your tab with me at the end of the night.”

Isak briefly considered ordering a drink, but so many eyes were already crawling all over his body. He ducked his head and headed straight for the stairs, hopeful that the men downstairs would be too preoccupied to stare so openly. He heard a whistle as he shuffled down the steps and couldn’t help smirking.

The steps winded around a corner and the purple lighting faded away and was replaced with a deep red. The contrast to the ambiance upstairs was striking. Here the bodies looked different, shiny and red with sweat. The sounds of skin on skin and lips against lips filled Isak’s ears, accompanied by the louder bass music. He heard the slight jingle of metal plated coins moving around on the wrists of men too involved to notice Isak’s entrance.

He watched as one man slid down the torso of another, licking and biting until his lips closed around a red, hard cock. Isak’s own cock twitched with excitement. He walked deeper into the red room until he felt a slick palm on his shoulder. Isak turned to look at the man. Older than him for sure, but not by much, he held Isak gaze for a few moments before dipping down to kiss at his neck. Isak’s eyes slipped closed and he felt bodies shuffling around him, a hot breath on the back of his neck. He felt lips nudging at his own and indulged them, moving back against them.

When he opened his eyes he was surprised to find a different man was kissing him. Another was behind him, massaging his ass with one hand and palming at his stiffening cock with the other. Isak lifted his hand up to his hair, gripping tightly to ground himself and accidentally hitting his numbered coin against his eyebrow.

The man palming Isak maneuvered him around so his back was against the wall and grinded up against his thigh, brushing Isak cock each time. Slowly, he kissed down Isak’s neck and chest, then swiftly fell to his knees and took Isak in his mouth. He gasped, his eyes clenching shut as his head tipped back and knocked the wall behind him. The man urged Isak’s hand into his hair and Isak gripped lightly.

Isak blinked his eyes opened, curious to know who was watching. A few men stood far away, jerking themselves as their eyes darted across the room. One man was focused, however, his eyes never leaving the display in the middle of the room on the large, cushioned red box.

Isak’s breath stuttered once he saw him. He was beautiful. Isak would go so far to see he was glowing, even more than the others. A hand roughly gripped the beautiful man’s blond hair, causing him to moan louder from his full red lips. From where he was kneeling on the red cushioned, Isak could perfectly see his beautiful hard cock grind against the man who was lucky enough to kiss him.

Another man entered Isak’s field of vision, kissing him hungrily. Isak indulged him briefly but was drawn back to the sight in the middle of the room. Isak had never wanted someone more in his life and he was feeling high in the atmosphere of this underground playground.

In front of him, the beautiful man was leaning over his current lover, his hand disappearing beneath his balls and no doubt giving his perfect fingers to the man going off the look of ecstasy on his face. Isak had to get a closer look. He had to see the beautiful man’s face when he slipped inside him. He made his move, walking across to the other side of the platform, not without a few warm hands caressing his chest and shoulders until he stopped in front of where the sex angel himself was fucking the luckiest guy in the room.

In no time, a pair of lips were wrapped around Isak’s cock. Isak lifted the new man up and turned him around, kissing at his shoulders, and looking over at the man he was truly interested in pulling out of his lover. Isak took a condom from the cannister on the wall and let some lube dispense in his hand from the automated machine. He checked to make sure whoever he was about to fuck into didn’t need any prep. Two of Isak’s fingers slipped in easily. Isak certainly wasn’t his first fuck that night. Isak watched as the man of his interest slipped back in the man below him, shoving his condom covered cock into the hilt. Isak mirrored him, fucking into the man bent over before him in one swift plunge. Both bottoms moaned, supporting their arms on the platform. Their lips found each other quickly, licking into each others’ mouths as Isak and the angel leaned over them, groaning softly together. He was so close to Isak now, he could nearly taste him. He watched the man’s open mouth rub against the shoulder blades of the man beneath him. Isak just had to get his lips on his.

He inched his body closer and felt the sweaty strands of the angels’ hair brush against the curls over his forehead. The blond’s breath hit his face like a welcome warm breeze. He thrusted ever so much closer until their noses bumped. And still, the man never opened his eyes. Isak’s lips brushed his chin and as if he’d said the magic word, the man opened his mouth wider, inviting Isak in. Isak surged forward just as the blond’s tongue licked upward, scraping against Isak’s top row of teeth. It shouldn’t have been sexy, but it was.

Finally, their lips closed in a kiss, their shoulders heaving with the exertion of their thrusts. Isak moaned and kissed him enthusiastically. It felt heavenly with lips like those closed around his. Then, the most wonderful thing happened. Isak felt him smile against his lips while still clumsily kissing him. Isak couldn’t help his own face from breaking into a smile. Then the angel’s lips were gone, but not too far. Isak opened his eyes to see blown pupils staring back at him. He was beautiful. He was the most beautiful man Isak had ever seen. And he was smiling at him.

Isak heaved a laugh and let his forehead fall against his. Soon those plush lips found his again, kissing Isak with a force that seemed to pull him towards the man. Isak wasn’t sure when their hips stopped moving, but before they knew it, it was just them kissing, no more bodies between them. The angel pulled back once more, allowing himself to look fully at Isak. Isak tried to control the way his chest heaved.

It was something about the way he looked at him, that made Isak feel like they were the only two in the room. Isak tore the condom off and crossed the space that still remained between them, but the stranger beat him to the punch, leaning in to kiss him first. The man’s hands settled on his waist and crawled up Isak’s back as Isak’s hands moved over the man’s arms and shoulders. The man brought a hand up to his neck, holding Isak closer as he kissed him deeply, his tongue dancing with Isak’s.

Isak had to taste more. He moved his mouth over his neck, over his collarbone, tasting sweat and lust. He kissed at his pert nipple, loving the way it sent shudders through his body. Isak traveled lower, kneeling on the platform until he felt the man’s hard cock rubbing at his chest. The man’s abs clenched beneath his skin as Isak licked at them hungrily.

Isak reached to steady the man’s cock and kissed at the head, kissed down the sides, kissed at his balls, all while anchoring his quivering thighs with his firm hands. The man gripped at Isak’s jaws, forcing him to look at him as he too kneeled in front of him. The man’s lips were on him again, this time the intent clear – they were going to fuck, Isak was certain. The man lowered himself down until he was lying on his back against the cushions. Isak followed him with his mouth, leaning over him and swiftly taking his aching cock back into his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked him down; the man was immediately unable to control his hips completely. He thrust upward, but Isak controlled the pace, moaning when he felt the man wrap his hand around his neck, urging him on.

When Isak lifted up, the man sat up quickly, flipping their positions until Isak was flat on his back. He settled himself on top of Isak. They were touching everywhere, from head to sneaker. The man ground against him, rubbing his cock against Isak’s. Isak’s hands roamed his back as the man nipped at his neck until he took Isak’s hands into his and held them above Isak’s head. It was clear the man had plans for them.

He started kissing down Isak’s body, sucking lightly on his nipples and then proceeding downward until he was kissing around Isak’s inner thighs. Isak propped himself up on his elbows to watch. He gripped Isak’s cock and pulled his balls into his mouth with his tongue. Isak’s voice hitched. The man snaked his warm hands up Isak’s torso. Isak let his head fall back and gripped the stranger’s hands when he finally took Isak into his mouth, bobbing with a rhythm that just screamed confidence. Isak focused on his breathing, trying not to come too fast. He didn’t want this to be over. Isak lifted his head when he felt himself coming to the brink and combed his fingers through the man’s soft locks to pull him off. The man crawled up Isak’s body, knees settling on either side of Isak’s hips. The head of Isak’s cock caught at his rim. The man moaned. Isak flipped them over, pushing him onto his back and yanked his hips and thighs around his own hips, kissing him the whole time. Isak propped himself up on his hands, disconnecting their lips, and thrust against the man’s hole. The man pulled him back down, hungrily attacking Isak’s sore lips. Isak held his cock as he pushed into his tight heat. The man closed his eyes and threw his head back. Isak entwined their fingers together above his head as he began steadily thrusting into him and kissing at his neck. The man made the most beautiful sounds when he was being fucked, high moans and breathy wails. Isak was in love. He couldn’t believe it. He was fucking in love. He wanted to look into his eyes. “Do you always keep your eyes closed?” Isak asked, the lust seeping into his voice.

The man moaned and shook his head, “I’m with you. It helps me be with you,” he promised. His deep voice and the clench of him around Isak made Isak groan.

“I want to look at you,” Isak answered, but then he was pulled down again, lips crashing against lips. This man was going to eat him.

He grabbed at Isak’s back, pulling him closer, biting at his earlobe. Isak moaned, thrusting in steadily.

“Harder. It’s so good,” the man begged. “Harder. Harder!” he urged.

Isak indulged, thrusting harder, holding him tighter, his thighs slapping against the man’s perfect ass. The man reached between them to jerk himself off as Isak chased his climax. "Harder!" the man encouraged a few more times. Isak then felt hot spurts hit his stomach and then his vision turned white as he felt himself convulse inside the other man, moaning through it all. He collapsed on the man’s chest, his face burrowing into his neck. Their chests heaved together until Isak felt him laughing. Isak leaned up with the small strength he found and kissed the laughing man high on his throat, just beneath his chin.

When they kissed again, it was calm and the man smiled up at Isak with that bright smile and those gleaming, beautiful eyes. Isak ran a hand through his sweaty locks that were still somehow soft and smooth. Isak pulled out of him and laid down on his side next to him, letting his hand rub across his chest and tummy in comfort. He rubbed his hand down the man’s quivering thigh and up again, watching as his softening dick jumped against his belly. Isak kissed him sweetly once more then leaned up and slid over to grab tissue paper from the wall, handing some to him who had sat up, too. He cleaned himself up as Isak wiped the cum from his own stomach. They tossed their tissues into the bin and the man leaned in once more, cupping Isak’s cheek, kissing him like he knew him, like he was his boyfriend.

The man stood up, holding a hand out for Isak to take, smiling at him still. He led Isak up the stairs, gripping Isak’s hand firmly. Isak was sure to follow.

When they reached the end of the bar, the man finally let go and leaned against the counter. The bartender walked over and the man held up his wrist. “Twenty and Twenty-One?” the bartended checked before disappearing behind the curtain to retrieve their clothes.  Left alone, Isak leaned over and kissed the man’s shoulder sweetly. The man wrapped an arm around Isak’s back, rubbing comfortingly. The bartender returned and set their bags down in front of them. The man Isak already loved spoke up, “EBN.”

Isak was confused, “Huh?”

“Your initials?” the bartender asked.

“Oh, IV,” Isak supplied.

The bartender handed their IDs back as well with a simple, “Thanks.”

They brought their things back over to the bench and began dressing side-by-side. Isak couldn’t help the smile on his face. He was excited about what waited for them outside the club.  “Wait outside,” the man instructed, kissing him quickly before stepping over to the register to pay his tab.

Isak slipped out the door and let the brisk early morning air cool the sweat on his neck. Moments later, he was looking at the man he had just slept with. His hair pushed out of his gorgeous blue eyes, hands deep in the pockets of the jean jacket layering his green hoodie. Isak was grateful he didn’t dress like he was much older than him. He was ecstatic that even outside the club he couldn’t wait to fuck him again.

Isak bit his lip as the man approached. He gripped Isak’s cheeks and leaned in to kiss him, tongue crawling along his lips and begging for entrance. Isak slipped his hands into the back pockets of the man’s jeans, cupping him through the denim. The streets were quiet. No one was around at this time. The man pulled back, rubbing his knuckles along Isak’s cheek. He grabbed Isak’s elbow, “Come on,” he urged, walking them across the street. “There’s a bike station this way. I park a little farther so I can stretch my legs a bit.”

“I’ll check for bikes,” Isak offered, loading up the app on his phone.

“By the time it loads we’ll be there,” he promised.

Isak glanced at the time to keep himself from staring openly at the man. 04:47.

They walked around the corner and the man spoke carefully, “I think,” he bit his lip, “I think your dick is beautiful.”

Isak’s face flushed red. He could feel the embarrassment on his cheeks. He wanted to laugh. A chuckle escaped. No one had ever called his dick _beautiful_ before. Not even Alfred.

“It is, really beautiful,” the man promised. “I don’t know how to explain it. I liked it straight off.”

 _I liked you straight off_ , Isak wanted to reply. Instead, he bit his lip harder.

“I swear, your cock is perfect,” the man promised. Isak was beginning to think he was fucking with him.

“Don’t mess with me,” Isak replied.

The man threw his hands up, “No, I really mean it. A guy’s dick is so important.”

Isak nodded, “I guess I agree.”

“I think you can fall in love with a guy’s dick,” the man countered.

Love. He just used the word love.

“I uh,” the man ran a hand through his hair, “I can’t wait to see yours again.” He twisted around, walking backward and looking Isak coolly in the eye. “I want to touch it. Kiss it.” He turned back around, walking forward again, “Suck it,” he added.

Isak adjusted himself in his pants. He was ready for another go, hoping the man would invite him back to his apartment. They reached the bicycle rack and the man reached for the first one. Even though they looked identical, Isak scanned the rack for the one he wanted, looking over the brakes, testing the tire pressure with his hands, adjusting the seat. When he was finished inspecting it, he noticed the man staring at him, waiting with his bike, ready to go.

“Sorry, I’m obsessive. I can’t help checking everything,” Isak spoke. Then, with a confidence all the praise for his dick had given him, he added, “Only with bikes. Don’t jump to conclusions.” He paid for the bike ride and released it from the stand, “This one will do.”

The man rode over to him, and this time Isak leaned in to kiss him. He kissed him like he was his boyfriend. The man hummed “A little more love in the world.” Isak smiled. The man took off riding and Isak followed him. They rode for blocks, the man occasionally looking behind him to make sure Isak was still following, smiling with each glance.

They came to a stoplight and Isak braked to stop right next to him. “Tonight was different with you,” the man said.

“What?”

“When we made love, it was unusual,” the man explained. He started biking again as the light turned green.

“Unusual how?” Isak asked, catching up to him.

“With you, I made love,” he continued. “We fucked and it was like we were making our own bit of love, don’t you think?”

Isak smiled, “Yeah, we _made_ love.” 

The man laughed, “I think the world should thank us! We made a big contribution to world peace. What we did was pure love creation. We should do it again, for the good of mankind!” he explained, zooming ahead of him.

Isak pedaled quickly to catch up. He braked next to him in the deserted road.

The man placed a hand on Isak’s cheek, “What do you think? Can we make love again?”

He thought he had made it obvious. Isak very much wanted to go home with him. Maybe Isak had made it obvious and the man was just being kind enough to ask outright, not assuming anything. Isak kissed him in answer, pushing his tongue into his mouth, tasting him, moving his mouth against his with passion. The man pulled back smiling, “We’re going to my place.”

Isak smiled, “Got it.”

The man motioned with his head. “Straight ahead. I’ll tell you when to turn.” He let Isak take the lead, “I don’t want to lose sight of you now.”

Isak bit his lip. He wanted to tell him how much their love-making had affected him, too. “It was unusual for me, too,” Isak admitted. “I’d never done that before. It was my first time like that,” he spoke truthfully.

“At the Impact?” he asked in return.

“Yeah,” Isak nodded. “I had a boyfriend before, for a year or so. Of course, we didn’t bother. But like _that_ , it was the first time. It was good. Better even. Don’t you think? I prefer it that way. With you, it was really good. Because it was unusual. Like you said, _unusual_.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” the man asked, his voice strained with something Isak didn’t recognize. Isak looked back to see the man coming to a stop on his bike. “No,” he shook his head vehemently. “No, no, no, are you saying you fucked me without a condom? You weren’t wearing a condom?” he nearly shouted, panic in his eyes.

Isak stopped, stepping off his bike. He hadn’t used a rubber. He’d thought that was what the man meant. There was nothing between them. That’s why it felt so special. That’s why, although Isak was finding himself to sound absurd now, it had felt like love.

“Fuck!” the man cursed. He got off his bike and pushed it to the ground. “Are you kidding me?”

Isak recoiled.

“Fuck! What were you thinking?” the man cried. “What the fuck?”

Isak shrugged and the man seethed at the gesture.

“You’re insane!” the man yelled. “Are you kidding me? He dropped his head into his hands, his chest heaving. He turned back around, “You’re not twelve years old. What the fuck, man? You, you, you know sex clubs? Jesus Christ!”

Isak could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes. Here the man he thought he might love was berating him for making love to him. Isak couldn’t look him in the eye any longer.

“What the fuck?” the man muttered to himself, composing himself. “I’ll call the AIDS hotline. They’ll tell us what to do. Unless you’re positive?” the man asked.

Isak shook his head, “Are you?” he didn’t realize how choked up he sounded.

The man’s eyes softened, his eyes turning glassy. He dropped his head.

“Oh my God,” Isak’s eyes widened. “Oh my God,” he gripped the bike’s handlebars harder. For the second time that night, he thought of Eskild. He thought of seventeen-year-old Isak sitting on his bed in the kollektivet, Eskild sitting with him, giving him the safe sex talk he decided to completely fucking ignore. In a sex club, of all places.

Isak felt like crying.

“Halla?” the man spoke into the phone. “Yeah.”

 _Beat_.

“Speedy response. Perfect.”

_Beat._

“The thing is, I just fucked a guy without a condom.”

 _Beat_.

“I can’t remember.”

_Beat._

He bit his lip. “Probably.”

 _Beat_.

“Is he HIV positive? I think so. Yes, he is.”

_Beat._

“Emergency room? Uh, I’m near Ullevål.”

_Beat._

“He should come with me, okay.” He looked over at Isak. Isak’s eyebrows raised. He just wanted to go to the hospital alone. He needed some time alone to emotionally berate himself for being so fucking stupid. He shook his head. The man narrowed his eyes. He obviously wasn’t on board with Isak’s plan.

 _Beat_.

“I get priority? I tell them at admittance?”

_Beat._

“I just say ASE and they’ll get it?”

 _Beat_.

“Ah, okay.”

_Beat._

“Then what happens?”

Isak couldn’t listen any longer. He left him, pedaling toward Ullevål. He refused to let himself cry, meticulously navigating the streets and trying to leave the man behind. But he caught up to him, biking right in front of him and veering to impede Isak’s path. He stared down at the man’s high-tops.

“We’re going to Ullevål.”

“Is that necessary?” Isak asked bitterly.

“You have to go to the hospital!” he explained exasperatedly.

“But do _you_ have to come?” Isak raised his voice back.

The man recoiled, “They said it’s better if I do.”

“But it’s not necessary. I’m going alone,” Isak protested. “The phone call freaked me out! I want to do this alone.”

The man looked at Isak with what he knew all too well was pity, “I just wanted to-“

“Stop it!” Isak begged. “I fucked up! No need to hold my hand, like I’m twelve.”

“You’re mad at me?” the man asked.

“I don’t know,” Isak shrugged, “Maybe.”

“It’s not fair, but hey, whatever you feel,” the man replied. He pulled his phone from his pocket. “We need to swap numbers.”

Isak looked at him with rage and confusion.

“To work out your treatment, they’ll need my results. You need to be able to contact me.” He pulled up the contacts app on his phone. “Go ahead 02?”

Isak shook his head, “47.”

“That’s not Oslo,” the man replied.

“I know. It’s Trondheim.”

“You’re not from Trondheim.”

“I know. Do you want my number or not?”

“Go ahead.”

“02.”

“Is it Oslo or Trondheim, come on?”

“It’s my number! 47 02. That’s how my number starts!”

The man nodded, typing it in and listening to the rest of Isak’s number. He called Isak’s phone. “The unknown caller is Even. I’m Even.”

 _Even_.

Isak declined the call, shoving his phone back in his pocket. “Isak,” he answered.  

“Take Stensgata,” Even began instructing.

“I know,” Isak cut him off.

“Take the ER entrance.”

“I’ve got it, okay?” Isak left quickly, pedaling as fast as he could, but Even pedaled after him, stopping next to him at a red light.

“I’m not following you, okay? I take the next right.”

When the light turned green, Even did as he said he would and watched Isak continue on straight. When Isak was almost to the hospital, his phone began ringing. He pulled it from his pocket – _Even_.

He declined.

When Isak turned onto Stensgata, the phone began ringing again.

Declined.

Isak felt his breath get heavy, his breathing labored as he biked uphill. The sound of Even’s pleasured voice filled his mind.

 _“I’m with you. It helps me be with you_.”

_“Harder, harder!”_

Isak shook his head, ridding himself of the memory.

He thought of all the men there. He wondered how many of their red bodies were riddled with the virus he was worried was now inside him.

He got off the bike, locking it onto the bike-share rack. He walked quickly up to the hospital entrance.

His phone buzzed.

 **Even:** Where are you?

_Buzz._

**Even:** Call me!

 _Buzz_.

 **Even:** Why don’t you answer?

Isak deleted the messages and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

_Buzz._

Isak ignored it. He walked through the automatic doors into the clean white space of the hospital. He read the signs carefully, turning left through the first corridor to the emergency room. The bright white lights seemed to hum.

At the front desk was a young girl, maybe Isak’s age, with her brown hair in a long braid. Isak checked his phone as he approached her. 05:02.

“Halla,” she greeted him.

“Halla.” Isak was unsure of himself, “I had an ASE?”

“Okay, how long ago?”

“Less than an hour,” Isak recalled.

“Is your partner here?” she asked.

Isak shook his head no.

“Any health issues?”

“No.”

“Allergies?”

“No.”

“Any medication?”

“No. Nothing.”

“Okay, so I need your ID and a health card if you have one.”

Isak supplied her with both from his wallet.

She flashed him the address written on his health card, “Still the same address?”

“Yes,” Isak confirmed.

“Here are your papers,” she pointed down the hallway, “You wait over there. The intern will see you soon.”

“Thanks,” Isak nodded and headed for the waiting room.

It wasn’t very crowded. Maybe seven people waiting in the twenty or so available chairs. Isak chose one relatively secluded and sat down.

His phone buzzed again. An elderly man from behind him spoke up, “Cell phones are forbidden here. Even text messages.”

“I didn’t know. Thanks,” Isak shrugged him off.

Isak looked down at the messages.

 **Even:** It’s something important. They should know!

 **Even:** I’m here. Where are you?

Isak quickly turned to look at the hallway he just walked down. No one was there. He turned back and look back down at his phone. He stood suddenly, turning around.

 _Even_. Even and his beautiful blue eyes.

He was the first and last thing Isak wanted to see.

He came.

 

 

 


	2. Pity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even talks briefly about his first time with a man in this chapter and it might be triggering for some. If you want to skip over it, stop at "Isak knew that feeling..." and start again a few lines down at "Even pressed his lips together."

 

 

 

Isak wasn’t expecting Even to come. Definitely not. Not after how Isak left him in the street. But what Isak really didn’t expect was how relieved he felt just by looking at his face. His insides couldn’t handle this ripping cycle of panic and relief.

He felt himself aching. Part of him wished he’d never went to Impact. Part of him hoped Even would wrap him up in his arms, hold him as tight as when he begged, “ _Harder, harder!_ ” He felt like he was going to be sick, and yet, his legs were moving and he was walking across the waiting room, right up to Even.

“I can handle this,” Isak spoke quickly.

Even nodded, “I know. I’m sure,” he scratched beneath his ear, “I guess. Did you listen to my voicemail?.”

“No, I ignored it,” Isak admitted.

Even winced, “You were so stressed out, and you looked so scared. I forgot. I forgot to tell you, you have to let them know I’m in treatment – that I consult regularly and my viral load is undetectable now.” Even ended it with a nod as if he was verifying he remembered everything. “That’s all.”

Isak shrugged, stepping back after realizing how close he’d gravitated toward Even, “What difference does that make?”

“Just tell them,” Even replied. “The AIDS hotline said it was important.”

Isak swallowed. Even said _AIDS_ like it was a brand of cereal. “Great,” Isak muttered, swallowing thickly once again. Even’s eyes traveled down to his blotchy red neck and Isak could feel him watching his Adam’s apple move.

Even stepped forward and Isak did nothing to stop him. He lifted a hand to Isak’s cheek, letting his thumb gently rub the stubbly skin. Even looked at him so intensely. It’s like he was looking _in_ him, like by just looking into Isak’s eyes, Even could see all the fear, the confusion, and the regret twisting deep inside him. “I admit, I thought I should come. I wanted to come,” he paused, “to be with you now. So you have someone to talk to.”

Even shuffled nervously on his feet, looking down at the small space between them, “If you want, I can leave. If that’s what you want. Or I can stay. It’s up to you. If you’d want to know, I want to stay.”

Isak felt his face tighten with the strain of holding back tears, “I don’t know,” he answered. “I really don’t know.”

Even licked his lips, “Then I’ll decide for you.” He lifted his other hand up to Isak’s chin, holding it carefully between his thumb and forefinger. “Let me see,” he searched Isak’s eyes.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, confused and feeling on display.

“I’m reading your mind,” Even answered, “Your eyes don’t lie.” Isak somehow mustered a small chuckle and Even smiled at his tiny success. “Look me in the eye.” Isak became more nervous, his eyes tracing over the bridge of Even’s nose, getting lost in the details of his eyebrows, taking notice of a small scar on his cheek he hadn’t been able to see in the harsh lighting of Impact nor the dimly lit streets outside. “No better than that. Focus on my eyes. Look me straight in the eyes.”

Isak gave up, a sigh of release pushing past his lips and brushing Even’s thumb, “Okay. Stay then,” he decided. “I don’t think it will take long.”

Even smiled and dropped his hands, following Isak to the waiting room chairs.

He sat down next to Isak, his shoulder brushing his. The nurse came out and called the name of a man with a scarf wrapped around his arm like a makeshift sling. Even put his hand on Isak’s thigh, “I understand. I’ve been there before.”

“What?”

“You’re scared?”

Isak wanted to laugh cruelly, “Yes, I’m scared. Is that why you stayed? To tell me that?”

Even removed his hand, “No, no, I wanted to keep you company. I was alone when I got my results and before that, too. I don’t want you to go through that. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through that.”

Isak didn’t want to admit it, but Even’s words made him feel better, safer.

Even pulled out his phone and opened the browser.

“That’s not allowed,” Isak warned.

“What?” Even huffed, “Who told you that, huh? Look” he said, pulling up the website, “They say when there’s active penetration, the risk of infection is 0.06% to 0.62%.”

Then a finger was shoved between their heads. The old man grumbled, “That’s not allowed. I told your friend earlier,” he scolded Even.

“He’s right,” Isak added.

The old man scoffed, “Yeah, I told you, you shoulda told your friend. There are rules you know. If you need to make a phone call, you do it over there,” He gestured back down the hallway.  

“Fine, fine,” Even surrendered, putting the phone away.

“Over there, it’s allowed. Of course, sometimes people need to make a call. We’re in the ER. Things happen. People die,” the old man went on.

Isak couldn’t believe he found himself laughing. He was really laughing at the man. Even just looked irritated, bobbing his foot steadily in annoyance.

“Do you come here often?” the man leaned over, directing the question to Even.

Even looked at him for a beat with nothing but annoyance in his eyes then leaned close, smiling so sweetly the man had to of known it was fake. “No, it’s my first time,” Even grinned. He pulled his phone from his pocket and waved it in the disdainful old man’s face, “I need to make a call. Sorry!” and stood up quickly. Isak laughed at how Even started messing with the old man. “Coming?” he asked Isak.

Isak quickly followed, winding around the hallway with him.

“Ugh, I need coffee,” Even complained.

“You’re not nice,” Isak said cheekily. “We could have listened to him.”

“Did you even hear him? ‘Do you come here often?’ like it’s a fucking café or restaurant,” Even shook his head, “He was an asshole. Keep your distance.”

Isak shrugged, “Or he’s just lonely.”

At the coffee machine, Isak offered to pay and Even reluctantly let him.

“No sugar?” Isak asked.

Even scoffed, “As much as possible, please.”

Isak fed his coins to the machine, “Show me that website again, will you?”

Even looked like he was caught off-guard, “You sure? It was a stupid idea.”

“Show me,” Isak asked once again.

Even dug the phone from his pocket and handed it over to Isak. He turned the phone over, looking closely at Even’s phone case that had a star wars meme on it. Isak narrowed his eyes at it.

He looked at the numbers again, handing Even his coffee, “I mean, unless I’m missing something in the math here, a risk of 0.62% is almost nothing, isn’t it? But _people_ get infected anyway.” Isak was implicitly asking the question: _How did you get it?_

Even rolled his eyes, “Give it back. It was a stupid idea.” He tossed the phone case in the trash. “Statistics don’t mean a thing,” he down his espresso and tossed it in the bin as well. He stood there waiting for Isak to finish his own coffee.

“Take _you_ , for example,” Isak was blunt with it.

Even eyed him carefully, looking hurt, “That’s different.” He turned and walked back toward the waiting room.

Isak downed his coffee, tossed it, and followed, “Is it different because you were the one getting fucked?”

Even snapped his head, “No need to be an asshole, Isak.”

“I’m sorry,” Isak replied quickly.

Even shook his head, “It’s different because… It wasn’t the same, okay?”

Isak wasn’t going to accept that answer.

“The difference is I’m in treatment. I take my drugs. My viral load is undetectable,” Even repeated like it was a mantra. Isak still wasn’t satisfied and Even could tell. Isak needed to know when and how.

Even pulled him to the side in the hallway and leaned against the wall. Isak mirrored him, looking at Even’s eyes while Even looked at Isak’s feet.

“I had just got my license.  I’m from this really small town outside Ringebu. Not even Ringebu,” Even started.

“I’m not even exactly sure where that is,” Isak admitted.

“Exactly,” Even replied, “I didn’t even know anyone who was gay. And I was eighteen,” he shrugged.

Isak knew that feeling. He remembered feeling alone and like he had no one to talk to.

“I knew where they fucked, though. I knew where I could explore that part of my sexuality without my girlfriend at the time knowing. There was this highway rest station, with toilets. It was a nice place actually – picnic benches and big trees. It was all I could think of during the test, that I could go fuck, too. I waited for all the official paperwork, and then it came and I borrowed my mom’s car and went out and got laid. It’s kind of lame. A quick fuck. Sort of shameful – no talking, no eye contact,” Even breathed in, “They don’t even know what condoms are. Tell them they’re gay and they’d beat you up. You know, real deep closeted guys. See what I mean?”

Isak felt his chest heaving, like his heart was outside his body.

“They don’t get treatment, Isak. They don’t know they’re HIV positive. It makes it riskier for the partner. It makes it riskier for the boys the fuck in the toilets.”

Isak found his voice, “It was your first time?”

Even pressed his lips together and nodded like it was a discomfort to even confirm it. The panic rose up instantly in Isak. Breathing became difficult as he shuddered and Even immediately took note.

“That didn’t help you. I shouldn’t have told you that. I’m sorry,” Even pleaded.

“It’s easy to use a condom, right?” Isak whimpered. _I’m so stupid_ , Isak thought.

Even’s arms swooped underneath Isak’s. He was hugging him, but also holding him up, keeping him from falling to his knees in helplessness.

“I’m so stupid,” Isak spoke. “So stupid.”

“No, no,” Even comforted, running a hand through Isak’s curls, “It can happen to anyone.”

Isak shook, trying to get his breathing under control.

“Hey, come on now,” Even rubbed his hands over Isak’s back as he pulled away. “I don’t want you to miss your turn when the nurse calls your name.” He held Isak’s hand and pulled him down the hallway to the waiting room. Once they reached the chairs, Isak dropped his hand.

A doctor was waiting, “Valtersen?”

“Yes,” Isak croaked.

“I was waiting,” she replied.

“Sorry, I was,” Isak gestured back toward the coffee machine.

“Let’s go. It’s an emergency room, yeah?”

“Unbelievable!” A voice shouted, “They give priority to faggots?” The old man had reared his ugly head and was speaking angrily through yellowed teeth. He gestured to the others waiting, “Are you okay with this? You find that normal? Letting perverts go first?”

“Ignore him,” the doctor spoke, “He’s a regular.”

Isak walked quickly, trying to get away from the hateful old man. Even followed suit. The doctor paused and turned around.

She turned to Isak, “Do you want him to come?”

“Yes,” Isak decided. He certainly didn’t want him in that waiting room.

She led them down a hallway and opened one of the doors that opened into a consultation room. “Take a seat,” she instructed.

Isak and Even sat down in the chairs at the desk. She sat across from them and smiled for the first time, “Okay, so what happened?”

“Uh, I had an AS… E?” Isak started.

“Yes, I see,” the doctor looked at her notes. “Can I have the details?”

Isak lied quickly, “A broken condom.”

“Ah, you two. You’re the partner?” she asked Even.

He nodded, “Yeah, partner. Sexual partner,” he clarified. Isak wondered if Even made the distinction for the doctor or for Isak. “I’m HIV positive,” he filled in.

She nodded, “Are you on triple therapy then?”

“Yes, I’m in treatment.”

“Have you consulted lately?”

“About three months ago.”

“And do you know your viral load?”

“It’s undetectable.”

“Oh, good. That’s a good thing,” she looked over at Isak. “And you, do you know your status?”

“Yeah, I get regular tests. I did one like two months ago,” Isak thought back.

“And?”

“I’m fine.”

“Negative?”

“Yep, I don’t take risks,” he looked over at Even, both knowing the statement wasn’t necessarily true but neither jumping to correct it.

“One more thing,” the doctor added, “Who was active during the intercourse?”

“I was,” Isak answered.

“When the condom broke, did you pull out immediately?”

Isak shook his head, “No, I didn’t pull out.”

“So there was an ejaculation?”

Isak nodded.

“In any case, since your partner’s positive, treatment is advised. An emergency triple therapy.”

Isak had no clue what triple therapy was.

“The idea is to stop the virus spreading through your body. It’s pretty heavy duty therapy and lasts twenty-eight days. Three pills a day, at the same time, every 24 hours. Efavirenz, Tenofovir, and FTC. Do you agree to the treatment?” she asked.

Isak nodded, but he sensed she needed a verbal answer as well, “Yes.”

“I’ll go get the pills and I’ll explain everything else.”

Isak nodded in agreement. As soon as the doctor left the room, all the nerves flooded back in. Even reached over to hold his hand, giving him a small reassuring smile that Isak tried to mirror. “Are you okay?” Even asked.

Isak shrugged looking down at their interwoven fingers. Even leaned over to kiss Isak’s cheek. He turned his head, letting Even land two more soft kisses on his lips. Even kept his smile, but Isak faded quickly. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything Eskild had told him about how hard it would be to live with HIV if he ever became positive. At the time, he’d never thought he would find himself in this situation.

Even used his other hand to cup Isak’s cheek, forcing him to look him in the eye. Isak’s eyes watered, but tears didn’t fall. He gripped Even hand harder. When the doctor walked back in, Isak dropped Even’s hand and looked straight on like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He hated himself for even thinking that.

“Okay, so here’s the kit. Four sets, water, and a pastry. It’s best to take them with food. For now, you have four days of pills. On Monday, you have to go to the screening unit here at the hospital. No need for an appointment, just explain what happened and they’ll take care of you.” She directed her attention to Even, “It’s best if you come, too, with your results.”

“Yes, of course. I’m free on Monday,” Even agreed.

“On Monday, we’ll do new blood tests. That doctor will decide if you should continue the treatment. He’ll be looking to see how you tolerate it. The side effects are mostly digestive – nausea, diarrhea, you may feel tired. If you react really badly, they’ll change your treatment. But symptoms usually improve. It’s just the first few days can be rough.”

Isak nodded.

“Okay, let’s start now. It’s best to start as soon as possible.”

“Should I eat first?”

“That would be good, yes.”

Isak tore into the pastry, eating it in three large bites. Even nearly laughed at Isak’s enthusiasm. It made him thirsty so he downed some of the water, leaving some to help swallow the pills. He shoved all three in his mouth and chugged more water. Even’s eyes were wide.

“That’s almost impressive,” the doctor noted.

Isak shrugged.

“Okay, so this kit is for you. Make sure you take the pills every day.”

Isak nodded. She leaned forward across the desk, “It’s not a nice thing to go through. It’s stressful as I’m sure you’re already feeling. But you can get help on Monday. The two of you are here, now. It’s good if you support him during this ordeal,” she suggested to Even.

He smiled and nodded. Isak knew this man wanted to take care of him, he just wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

“It will be okay,” she added. “We’re within the time frame. If you take the medication every twenty-four hours, there’s a very good chance the virus won’t spread and at the end of all this, you’ll still be HIV negative. Okay?”

“Okay. Thank you,” Isak replied.

She smiled, “I’ll see you out.”

Even and Isak headed for the exit of the hospital, walking silently through the corridors. They passed a janitor and smiled at her, exchanging pleasant hellos.

Outside it was brisk. Even zipped up his hoodie and Isak did the same.

“Did you notice?” Even spoke.

“Women run this place,” Isak commented.

“Guys leave the worst jobs to women. What a shitty world.”

“Women and fags,” Isak answered. Even looked over at him as they walked. “The night belongs to women and fags.”

Even laughed and nudged Isak’s arm with his elbow.

“And nightwatchmen,” he looked over at the security guard. “That’s a position of power. Limited power, but even so.”

“He’s black,” Isak noted.

“Of course. Like I said: _limited power_.”

They turned left down the street, walking silently for a while, Even’s arm occasionally brushing Isak’s.

“Are you a hairdresser?” Isak asked.

Even laughed, “What makes you say that? Is it my nail polish?”

Isak grabbed his hand, examining his fingernails. He hadn’t noticed before, the sheen of pink on the cuticles, almost nude and undetectable. “No, it’s just, Monday. Hairdressers always close on Mondays.”

“Ahh, but lots of stores close on Monday. You can’t buy food, except in supermarkets,” Even countered.

“So, do you work in a grocery store? Are you a baker? Do you sell meats?”

Even laughed and paused his steps, turning to face Isak on the sidewalk, “No, I’m an assistant director. My boss gives me Monday off because he likes Monday off.” Even started walking again, “Sometimes, I work late nights or weekends in exchange. Depends on the job.” He shrugged, “Either way, it works for me. I love not starting the week with everyone else. Even better than having Friday off.”

Isak followed Even across the street. “Seriously, you’re an assistant director?”

Even nodded, “I know. It sounds impressive, but it’s a job like any other. Better than many others, to me. I want to be a director. But it takes a lot of money and you have to have producers who will want you to make stuff for them. It’s hard to get your name in the game, you know.”

“Even?”

“Bech Naesheim,” Even supplied. “I wanted to get out of my town, skipped the whole film school thing. Probably not ideal in hindsight, but I’m happy with my life I think.”

Isak looked behind him then turned to Even, “We turned left out the hospital. Did you notice? Without thinking.”

Even nodded.

“Where are we going?” Isak asked.

“I don’t know,” Even replied, “I’m following you.”

Isak smiled, “I’m following you, too. We’ll go round in circles.”

Even laughed. Isak loved the sound of Even’s laugh. He checked his phone. 05:25. “It’s late,” Isak spoke. “Are you headed home?”

Even shrugged.

“You’re exhausted?” Isak asked in reply.

“If you want me to go, just say it, Isak,” Even said.

“No,” Isak laughed, “That’s not what I meant, but if you want to get some sleep…”

Even made a big show of shaking his head, “I like being with you. Even if… the circumstances could be better. Besides, I don’t feel like sleeping. Do you?”

Isak shrugged.

“I’m hungry,” Even decided, stopping in his tracks. “Do you think the bakeries are open?”

Isak shrugged, “Let’s check over there,” he gestured down the street and then took off into a run, Even laughing and running after him. Isak shouted over his shoulder triumphantly, “We’ll find something!”

Even caught up to him with his long legs. “It does me good being with you,” Isak admitted, “You’re good for me.”

Even smiled as they slowed to a walk. “Why are we going this way?”

“It was random,” Isak replied.

“There’s nothing by Stensparken.”

“There’s Godt Brod,” Isak answered.

“It doesn’t open until 06:30!” Even argued.

Isak shrugged, “Stensparken is beautiful.”

Even laughed, “Is this a romantic walk through the park or a food hunt?”

“We can do both,” Isak decided, “I’m not so sure about the walk, though.” He broke into a sprint and heard Even curse _faen_ behind him. Isak laughed. Even was _not_ a runner. But he followed Isak anyway and they ran their way through the empty park, Even a stride and a half behind Isak.

Isak felt alive with the night.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” Isak asked, slowing his stride.

Even huffed, out of breath, “It’s a new concept,” he heaved, “The romantic sprint.”

Isak laughed in reply, slowing to a walk for him.

“We’d have better luck on the other side of the park.”

“Probably. Let’s not cross it,” Isak begged, he veered southwest, “Let’s go this way. It’s like a game.”

“It’s worse over there, there’s nothing,” Even whined.

“Let’s try down by Bislett Stadion,” Isak succumbed. He picked up his pace again, Even whining behind him but following regardless.

After a few blocks, Isak took pity once again, slowing to a walk and letting Even catch his breath before he spoke, “Did you have side effects? I want to know what’s coming.”

“It’s dead here,” Even dodged the subject.

“Civilization starts at Bislett,” Isak joked. “You didn’t answer though.”

Even sighed, “The drugs aren’t the problem. You get used to taking them. It’s not so unmanageable now. I can skip a pill, but not too often. When you have a normal life, with a job, it just becomes part of the routine and the side effects go away or you change treatment,” he explained. “The problem is the virus. I mean, even if it’s undetectable, even if I’m not scared it will kill me anymore, it’s there. I still think about it. Often.”

Isak shoved his hands in his pockets, not exactly enjoying Even’s explanation.

“They say, ‘live with it, but I can’t. I live _against_ it. I try to live against it. I’m probably wrong,” he shrugged. “I should live with it. Make my peace with it,” he shook his head. “But I can’t.” He changed the subject when Isak didn’t reply. “Is this the right way? I’m a stomach on legs, I swear. If there was food, my stomach would tell me.”

Isak shrugged, “Where else is there? It’s civilized that way,” he pointed with his finger.

“But my instinct?” Even argued, a lilt in his whine.

“No such thing,” Isak shut him down.

They walked silently still, a quiet rage building inside Isak. He wanted to know if whatever food they were about to eat was just going to wreak havoc on his insides, whether the drugs would make him sick or not, and here was Even complaining about being hungry. Isak couldn’t help feeling conflicted. He spoke quietly to Even, “I can’t explain it.”

“What?” Even asked, confused.

“I want to kiss you and punch you at the same time.”

Even stuttered in his step.

“I want to hit you, do you understand?” Isak seethed. “Hard, really hard.”

Even tried to laugh it off, “That’s nice. Would you feel better then?”

“I don’t know. I want to. I’m itching to do it,” he clenched his fist and noticed how Even looked warily down at it, swaying between their hips.

Even looked ahead, swallowing thickly, unable to look at Isak anymore. Isak grabbed him by his jean jacket, shoving him up against the street lamp. He heard the metal thud against Even’s back. He winced in pain. Isak held him at his shoulders, forcing Even to look at him, his hands fisted in the denim.

Even didn’t look scared. Isak recognized it again, the pity. The all-consuming pity in Even’s eyes. It broke him. He felt his body loosed, the stiff muscles relaxing. He fell against Even, his face buried in his neck, his hands holding onto his back. Even’s arms snaked around him – one across his shoulder blades, the other holding the base of his neck, fingers creating their own path in Isak’s locks.

Isak finally let himself cry in Even’s arms when Even’s lips kissed his temple tenderly. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This signifies a turning point for Isak, rejecting his rage and accepting Even's kindness. The fear bites back at him again, however, and that gets projected in his asshole-y behavior toward Even. The final chapter will end on a good note. I promise.


	3. Love

 

 

He just wanted to be held a little longer. “Just hold me a little longer,” Isak whispered against Even’s wet neck. He’d lost track of how long he’d been crying there on the deserted streets. It could have been seconds, it could have been an hour.

It was Even’s rumbling stomach that caused him to pull back from his arms. Isak looked up at him through bleary eyes. Even wiped the wetness from his cheeks. He kissed the edge of Isak’s eye, his lips nudging his eyelashes.

Isak sighed, “You’re still hungry, aren’t you?”

“I think my stomach is eating itself,” Even answered seriously.

Isak laughed. It was a wet laugh and he found himself coughing on his exhale. Even wrapped an arm around Isak’s shoulders, tucking him into his side, and got them moving again, “Come on. Want to try a 24-hour kebab place?”

“Kebab?” Isak replied, “Well, I guess if I have to.”

“Who eats kebabs at 06:00 besides fags out of an ER?” Even joked.

Isak shrugged, “Night workers, or guys who are walking stomachs.”

Isak laughed, two blocks down, they found a kebab place and crossed the street, careful to wait for the single car, before crossing.

“Finally,” Even sighed. Inside, he greeted the worker who Isak thought looked way too happy at this time in the morning. Isak rubbed his eyes once more, hoping it would seem as if he’d just been crying. He hoped he just looked tired rather than the emotional wreck he was.

“Good morning?” Even seemed puzzled, “Oh, right, what time is it?”

The employee looked down at his watch, “Mmm, 05:30, but I’m running early,” he smiled.

“Are you out of kebabs?” Even asked.

He sighed, “Yes, I’m sorry, but we have other things,” he gestured to the menu on the wall behind him. Isak could see Even visibly deflate at the realization they would not be eating kebabs, but he knew he was too hungry to go elsewhere.

Even bit his lip but then decided, “I’ll have the chicken wrap.”

“Me, too,” Isak stepped up to the counter. He turned to Even. “Running made me hungry,” he offered as an explanation.

“You guys have the right thinking,” the employee admitted as he started preparing their food. “Kebab is always great after a night of partying. I only work weekends. I live to serve the partiers and the party-harders.” 

Even interrupted him, “No onion on mine please.”

“Mine neither and two cokes, too, please” Isak added.

“Sure, sure,” he replied. He looked behind them at the empty store. “It’s dead now, but around 3 or 4, I’m really busy.” He went back to assembling their orders. “Where I’m from we have tea after.”

Isak could tell the guy was just looking for friendly conversation. It must be pretty lonely working at this time in the morning. “Where are you from?” he asked.

“I’m Syrian,” he smiled, “With my university buddies, it was a ritual to eat a kebab after a night on the town. It’s not exactly the same here, though. The meat in Syria is, mmm,” he didn’t even need to finish his sentence. Isak could tell from the look on his face that the meat was better.

“What brings you here then? The war?” Even asked.

“No, I studied architecture at AHO.” He answered, “But the war is horrible. Too much injustice, people can’t stand it after a while. Fifty years is a long time. I didn’t live there. I _survived_. I guess you can’t understand because you’re free here, huh?”

Even smirked, enjoying the man’s casual, but true, dig at them.

“We couldn’t talk,” the man went on, “Not to anybody. Not university buddies. A life without talking is unbearable. You can’t talk about politics or even just what we feel. Our desires… or dreams,” he was talking into the food now as he wrapped it up, like he was just talking out loud and not to anyone in particular but himself.  He placed the wraps in a plastic bag and handed them over to Even, announcing the price at the same time, “110 kroner.”

“I’ve got it,” Isak handed over the cash and telling Even with his eyes to put his wallet away.

Outside, Isak fell into stride next to Even as he headed back the way they had came. “I bet you’re still a student,” Even guessed.

Isak shrugged, “No, not exactly.”

Even didn’t push him right away, “How about we go eat somewhere calm, huh? Back at the park?”

Isak nodded, “Okay,” and followed.

“So, tell me, what do you do then?” Even pried. “You ask all the questions. It’s my turn don’t you think?”  

Isak smirked and teased, “What do you want to know?”

“Well,” Even laughed, “First of all, _what do you do?_ ”

“I have an internship,” Isak answered.

“What is it?” Even asked.

Isak sighed, “I have a degree in biosystems engineering. I got this internship at a big company, saving the bees and shit with sustainable ag environments. It’s pretty interesting.”

Even laughed loudly, “You don’t sound convinced, Isak.”

“I am!” Isak swore, “But I think there’s things I rather being do instead right now. I want to be an aid worker. I love the bees and all, but sue me for caring more about my own species.”

“Maybe I’m stupid, but I can’t see the connection with engineering,” Even joked.

“You’re not stupid, Even,” Isak said it and he meant it. “Besides, there isn’t really one. Not really. I just feel like I need the experience and it’s a paid internship. I get to live in the city on my own and pay my bills and go out on occasion.” Isak shrugged, “I’ll give a few more months or a year max.”

He didn’t know where this talk was coming from. He’d known Even for all of an hour and was finding himself admitting things out loud he hadn’t yet admitted to himself. He wasn’t very happy with his job and part of him wished he’d completed a different degree in school or that he would have gone on to a Ph. D. with a different emphasis, but Isak hated the idea that he could be living with regrets. He was always told by his father to do the easy thing, the safe thing, and as awful as that son of a bitch was, his advice wasn’t far off the mark. He was comfortable financially, but not near enough to being comfortable in his own life. Especially not now with the looming notion that he could have contracted HIV because he was reckless and took a stupid risk.

He kicked a rock in front of him and shrugged, “I haven’t done much research about it. It’s a pipe dream.”

Even placed his hand on the small of Isak’s back to steer him out of the way of a puddle and Isak nearly melted with how thoughtful this man was. “Let’s go over there, that bridge,” Even suggested. Isak nodded. Even cleared his throat, “I don’t know many humanitarian causes, but I guess there’s plenty to do, right? Do you like to travel?”

“I think I would, but there’s more to it than that,” Isak explained. He suddenly felt self-conscious. “What? Do you think it’s ridiculous? Sentimental?”

Even laughed and shook his head, “No, I don’t know. Besides, signing up for any cause is sentimental, isn’t it. Sentimentality is beautiful,” he spoke sincerely.

Isak scoffed, “I feel ridiculous telling you that. I haven’t told anybody that. If only I could say which cause or which country,” he shrugged, “I feel like a student, still lost and all, ‘ _I’ll do this_!’ or ‘ _I’ll do that_!’ and instead do nothing! They never get off their asses and it pisses me off. I don’t want to be like that. Besides, if I’m HIV positive, that’s it for my wild ideas. No visits to countries without aspirin. I’d need emergency care for myself. I mean, would _you_ go?” he turned to Even but didn’t let him answer, ”No, of course not.”

They walked in silence for a little longer, Even’s head dropped and tracking the movements of their feet. Isak hated himself for getting annoyed by Even who had yet to do anything wrong to him. He didn’t understand why Even hadn’t walked off and left him yet when his mood changed so quickly and he lashed out on the nearest person willing to take the verbal blows.

He walked faster, trying to get away from himself but only getting a little bit farther from Even. Yet Even kept up, matching his stride. “Here?” Even asked, leaning against the bridge railing.

“Is there anything else you wanted to ask?” Isak asked in return. He wanted to change the subject.

“Umm, why does your number come from Trondheim? It’s weird. You don’t sound like you’re from Trondheim.”

Isak couldn’t believe it, “Oh man, you tried for an easy question that can’t hurt anyone. Bad move,” he laughed.

“You think it’s funny?” Even returned.

“Uh, yeah,” Isak smiled, “You tried to be nice and made it worse. You tried so hard I can’t even be mad at you.”

Even bit his lip, “Should I stop asking questions?”

He sounded like he’d given up, so Isak let him, “For now, yeah.”

“Fine, let’s go to the middle. I love this bridge,” Even answered.

Isak gripped the railing with both hands when he reached the apex of the bridge and he felt Even settle behind him, his left hand hovering over and then grasping Isak’s.

Isak swallowed, “The city looks so beautiful from here.”

“Yeah,” Even spoke softly. He leaned in a place two slow and warm kisses to Isak’s neck. Isak closed his eyes and let himself really _feel_ them.

“Alright,” Even grinned, “Let’s eat.” Even pulled out the wraps and handed one over to Isak. In record time, Even was biting hungrily into the food. Isak was surprised he hadn’t started eating it on their walk over here. Even nudged his unopened can of coke beneath his armpit and handed over his food. He spoke through is mouthful, “Can you hold this?”

Isak took it from his hands and Even thanked him.

Even reached down into his pocket and produced six pills. Four looked like the ones Isak had taken earlier, but the other two were shaped differently and had embossed letters on them. Even explained, “I’m early, but it doesn’t matter,” he was talking about the pills, “I always have them on me. That way I can’t be caught without them,” he gave Isak a half smile.

“Even when you fuck at the Impact?” Isak asked, not realizing how harsh it sounded until Even winced.

He simply replied, “You never know when you’ll find love.”

Isak gasped.

Even threw three of the pills in his mouth and opened the coke to down them. He swallowed, “Sometimes I get home late.” He swallowed the remaining three.

“I can see that,” Isak muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “It’s happened before?” he asked, “It’s not the first time?” Isak couldn’t help but think of all the other men Even had charmed before, had let fuck him, had maybe even been fucked by him. He wondered if Even ever went to ERs with other men who had to have him. Isak felt dumb and powerless.

“Yeah? Or no, no, it’s never happened before,” Even replied. “Usually, I… Look, I don’t know… something happened between us, something _big_. That’s all.”

Isak felt himself growing more and more defensive, “Something _big_? What do you mean?”

Even shrugged, “I don’t know, something big. Something that made me lower my guard.”

“What do you usually tell them? How does it go?” Isak demanded to know.

Even shook his head, his eyebrows scrunching together, “Wait, where are you going with this? I don’t understand? What do you want me to say?”

Isak had no reply. His rage was coming back and he couldn’t look Even in his sweet eyes anymore.

“Hey, wait a minute? What do you want me to do? Should I tattoo HIV positive on my ass?” Isak could hear how upset Even was. Maybe now Isak was finally pushing him away. It still hurt to hear how hurt Even sounded. “Should I do that just because idiots like you don’t take precautions?!” Isak looked back up at him, and this time Even’s eyes were fierce with something he didn’t recognize. “It take two to screw up, Isak. I didn’t exactly have to beg you, did I? I never asked you to fuck me without a fucking condom!”

Isak scoffed, “Hmm, ‘ _harder, harder_!” You didn’t ask me, but you said, ‘ _harder, harder!_ ’” He was shouting.

Even took a step back, shaking his head, “It’s always _our_ fault isn’t it. You’re being a dumb asshole. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. What am I doing here?” He scoffed, “I promised I’d come on Monday. I’ll be there with my results. If you don’t want me to stay, then fine! You have my number if you need me,” his voice cracked on the last few words and Isak saw him fighting tears. With that, Even turned and walked down the bridge.

Isak wiped angrily at his eyes. What had he done? He watched Even throw his food in the bin on his way down. He could see Even walking out of his life and for a minute he felt powerless to do anything but watch him leave.

“Wait! I’m sorry!” Isak yelled from the bridge. “I’m sorry, Even.”

Even stopped in his tracks, turning back to look up at Isak.

Isak ran down to him, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no apologies between us. We both fucked up. Both of us.”

Isak shook his head, “It doesn’t mean I should treat you this way.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Even agreed. “So don’t. Not anymore.”

“I won’t. I don’t know why I do this. I just, sometimes there’s no more room left inside to hate myself that it just tumbles out of me,” Isak admitted. “I saw you in that club and for the first time I didn’t feel any of that hate. Just love.”

“You love me?” Even asked.

“I don’t know what I feel,” Isak admitted, “But I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. Especially not now.”

“You won’t,” Even promised. He sealed the promise with a kiss, crowding into Isak’s space and holding him close. Even pulled back, breathing heavily, “Kiss me like you love me, Isak.”

And so Isak did, wrapping his arms around Even and pulling his body further into his. He kissed him liked he loved him, tasting Even’s lips like they were the only thing he needed to live.

Even disconnected their lips and tugged his arms around Isak’s neck, hugging him tightly as Isak whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“No more sorry’s,” Even pleaded, holding him tighter.

“I think I felt safe with you,” Isak admitted, rubbing a hand up and down Even’s back. He had to explain, “I felt good. Calm. Happy. It seems irrational now, but it made sense then.”

“Yes, it made sense. Between us, everything made sense,” Even replied. “I felt like I’d known you for a long time when you were inside me, that I was safe with you, too.” He sighed, “We got careless. We wanted each other. Wanted it too much. We didn’t realize… desire is stupid, but it’s so good to want you like I do,” Even whispered, his breath tickling the shell of Isak’s ear.  Isak felt himself growing hard in his pants and he was almost certain the same was happening to Even.

“Were you drunk?” Isak asked.

“No, not really, I had one drink hours before,” Even promised. “Were you?”

“No, but it was like being drunk,” Isak admitted.

Even pulled back to rub his nose against Isak’s pressing their foreheads together, “See? Desire is stupid.” Isak pulled him tighter. Yep, there it was. Even laughed, “I have a monster hard-on right now.” He kissed Isak sweetly, a strange contrast to the way their bodies were held together. “Strange way to start a relationship,” Even admitted.

“A relationship?” Isak asked.

“Yeah,” Even cocked his head, smiled, and rubbed his nose against Isak’s once more, “Why not?”

Isak laughed, “You’re crazy.”

Even shrugged, “So what?”

“I’m going home now,” Isak announced, stepping back but still holding onto Even’s hips.

“Can I come?” Even asked.

Isak smiled and shrugged, “If you want.”

Even grinned and checked his phone, “If we rush, we can make the first tram.” He took Isak’s hand in his, “I love the first tram,” and for the first time that night, Even started running first, dragging Isak along with him.

They ran to the metro station and arrived just in time. Even pulled him into the streetcar and they both gripped onto the yellow pole to steady themselves as the metal monster lurched forward. There were two other people on the tram, but one was far away, reading a book while another was about halfway between them with large headphones on. Isak readjusted his hand to let it grip around Even’s. “Even? Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” Even beamed.

“You took five pills. Is it because you reacted badly to what the doctor gave me?” he asked.

“Not exactly,” Even admitted, his smile fading somewhat. “They started me on something else when I was 18. That was almost seven years ago, so the pharmacology has changed since then. Now I take the same ones you have and an iron supplement.”

 “You need three pills for an iron supplement?” Isak was confused.

“No, the uh, the other two are mood stabilizers,” Even looked down at their feet.

“Mood stabilizers?” Isak asked.

Even sighed and smiled sadly, “I have to tell you something and I hope it doesn’t change the way you feel about me because even though it sounds crazy, I love you, and I wouldn’t want to lose you, but I would understand if this is what did it. If this is what made you walk away.”

Isak swallowed thickly. He didn’t know what to say. He was worried but also elated. Even just said he loved him. “What is it?”

“I’m bipolar,” Even told him.

Isak didn’t move away from him, just repeated him, “Bipolar.”

“Yeah, it’s like mood swings, but really intense. Mania and then depression and then start all over again.”

“I know what bipolar is,” Isak answered.

“Oh,” Even replied.

“A friend of mine from Nissen, his mom is bipolar,” Isak filled in.

“ _Just_ a friend?” Even asked.

Isak rolled his eyes, “Yes, just a friend. You can meet him if you want, you just can’t tell him how we met, okay? Otherwise he won’t stop asking me questions until I freaking die.”

Even laughed, “What? Falling in love at a sex club isn’t your style?”

“I didn’t know I had a style.”

“So,” Even stepped closer, “You’re okay, with the bipolar thing?”

Isak nodded, “Anyone who’s not is a dumb asshole.”

Even smiled, “I haven’t had a relapse in over two years, it’s under control, like the virus, but it’s still here,” Even pointed to his temple, “It could show up again at any moment.”

“Doesn’t mean I would lose you, right?” Isak asked.

“I’d hope not,” Even replied.

Isak bit his lip and looked down at their feet, unable to look much longer into the sincerity in Even’s eyes. “Thank you for telling me,” Isak told him.

Even leaned down and kissed his hair, “Thank you.”

Isak keened.

“Here,” Even grabbed his hand, “Come sit.”

They sat in two seats and shifted their bodies so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “I want to guess which one is your stop.”

“How are you going to do that?” Isak challenged.

“I’ll read your mind again,” Even teased. He lifted Isak’s chin with his thumb and forced him to look into his eyes.

Even’s eyes were overwhelmingly blue. In the bright lighting of the tram, it was easy to study his irises. Isak felt his nerves melt away. He just looked and gazed and Isak knew if he looked long enough, it wouldn’t be long before he was saying the words, “I love you,” to Even, too.

After a few minutes of silent staring and sweet smiles, the PA system announced Isak’s stop, but he was too distracted the first two times it was called. “Torshov.” the voice called again as the tram slowed to a stop.

“Come on, it’s this one,” Isak tore Even from his thoughts, grabbing his hand and lifting him upward.

“I knew that,” Even scoffed.

Isak looked back at him with a smirk, gripping Even’s hand tighter. They crossed the street and continued on the sidewalk, still holding Even’s hand, “Being an assistant director is unusual. How do you decide to be an assistant director?” Isak asked. “I mean, it doesn’t really come to mind when you plan your future, no?”

Even shrugged, “People mostly lack imagination.” It was an Even answer. Isak could recognize them now. He laughed, “I got inspired when I watch _Moulin Rouge!_ the first time when I was like seven. And then I saw _My Own Private Idaho_ and I knew what I had to make movies.”

“I haven’t seen either,” Isak admitted.

“What? Not even _Moulin Rouge!_?”

Isak shook his head. “Anyway, it’s kind of sexy, you’re like an artist.”

Even beamed, “Sexy?”

Isak rolled his eyes, “You know you are.”

Even kissed his cheek.

They walked steadily together, listening to the sound of the city waking up around them, more cars on the street now.

“It’s over there,” Isak nodded to an old apartment building on the corner.

Even nodded in reply, “It’s not so much the movies themselves that inspired me. I just became interested in how they were like alive. Like, the directors created something that lived and felt love. And I want to do that, too. I want to tell stories about things that matter and breathe life back into the world.”

“For the film snobs?” Isak teased.

“No, no, for everybody. Who cares if the critics like it? I care if people like you like what I make. I care about what you feel. The emotion that gets put into films, it can break anyone’s heart – or fix it,” about that, Even seemed sure.

Isak fished the keys from his pocket.

“Can I come upstairs?” Even asked, “To see where you live?”

Isak smiled and unlocked the door, holding it open for Even to slip inside. Isak headed up the stairs. He lived on the fifth floor. “It used to be a maid’s room like a hundred years ago. It’s five flights up.”

“That’s no big deal,” Even agreed.

“It’s nothing special.”

“It has to be special,” Even argued, “You leave your mark where you live.”

Isak nodded, he thought of his father’s house. “In some homes, it’s like no one lives there. Ever noticed?”

Even nodded, “I know what you mean.” He sounded winded by the time they reached the third floor. “It’s a bad sign.”

“You want my interior to prove something?” Isak asked.

“That you are alive. People with nobody home are not, or not really living,” Even replied.

“And what if I’m like that?” Isak asked.

“Impossible,” Even disagreed. “But if you are, you’ll never see me again,” he joked.

Isak just laughed and stepped faster up the stairs, forcing Even to keep up with him.

“Maybe you should study urban planning,” Even panted. “Put elevators in buildings like these.”

“There is an elevator,” Isak answered.

“What!?” Even gasped.

“We’re here!” Isak laughed, “It’s the door at the end.” He held a finger up to his lips, “Shh, it’s quiet here.”

“I have to warn you,” Isak said, slipping the key in the lock, “It’s tiny.”

Even nodded, “I can imagine what a maid’s room looks like.”

Isak opened the door for him and let Even walk into the darkness. Isak turned on the light and slipped his shoes off. Immediately, Even’s eyes went to the floor to ceiling bookshelves that were built in the wall. Isak had everything up there – books, a stereo, pots and pans, clothes, papers, cups.

His bed was set up on the opposite wall, leaving about two feet of space between the foot of it and the shelves. On the other end of the room was the tiniest kitchen, just a sink, over, stove, refrigerator and two cupboards. Just to the right was a door that led to Isak’s tiny bathroom.

Even turned back around to face Isak. He was smiling. He licked his lips and leaned in to kiss Isak, cupping his cheeks gently. Isak returned the kiss, his hands settling on Even’s hips. He backed him further into the room. Even pulled back only slightly to unzip Isak’s jacket. Isak smiled and reached up to push it off his own shoulders but Even caught his hands and brought them back down. He moved his hands up Isak’s chest and pushed the jacket off Isak’s shoulders himself.

Isak let himself breathe. Here in the comfort of his own home, he could expose himself fully to Even. “The Trondheim number is because of my papa. When I was sixteen, he left home because he couldn’t handle my mom anymore. She’s schizophrenic. He’s not very stable,” Isak spoke.

Even let him continue, just moving his hands beneath Isak’s shirt to lift it up over his head.

“When I came out, he freaked. Well, at first he seemed fine with it, but then he started calling me all the time. Nothing too bad, just raving on about how my homosexuality was a stress to my mother.”

Even moved his hands across Isak’s bare chest, leaving goosebumps. He leaned into kiss Isak’s neck.

“It was unbearable. He called all the time. He’d leave this like hour-long messages just making me feel like shit.”

Even kissed across Isak’s collarbone.

“I just couldn’t handle it.”

Even began kissing down his chest, leaving small wet marks as he traveled lower.

Isak breathed in sharply. “I didn’t want to get police involved. Imagine filing a complaint about your own dad. He wasn’t threatening me or being blatantly homophobic, but I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Even fingers deftly undid the button on Isak’s jeans.

“He was just ruining my life.”

Even continued kissing at Isak’s tummy, running his hand over the smooth skin like a prayerful act.

“So, I changed numbers. My mom and my half-sister did, too. We’re a Trondheim family now. He hasn’t thought to look in those phonebooks.”

Isak quivered. He settled his fingers in Even’s hair and shook at the feeling of his warm breath on the hair beneath his navel. “I still Skype my papa sometimes when I’ve got the time. I didn’t just cut him out of my life, you know.”

Even stood up quickly and kissed Isak. He looked down between them and began pulling Isak’s zipper downward. Isak smiled and Even returned to his knees in front of him. Isak settled his hands in Even’s hair again. Even pulled Isak’s pants down his legs and helped Isak step out of them. He threw them on the bed with his jacket and shirt.

Even kissed his hip then stood back up to look at his work. Isak stood naked before him, but Isak didn’t feel that nervous. He felt wanted.

“You’re so beautiful,” Even whispered, smiling. Isak blushed.

Even looked down Isak’s chest, “I love your body.”

He placed his hands gently on Isak’s neck and kissed him behind his ear. “Behind your ear, it’s so soft.” Isak nearly mewled.

Even kissed his cheek, “Your stubble,” he smiled, “It scratches. I like how it scratches.”

“Your neck,” Even placed a wet kiss to the skin there and moaned, “You smell so good.”

He ducked lower and licked at Isak’s nipple, “Your nipples,” he mused. He kissed lower to Isak’s stomach, “And your tummy.”

He kept kissing down until he was on his knees, hands cupping Isak’s cheeks. Isak felt his cock twitch.

“I love your dick,” Even sighed. He licked his lips and looked up at Isak, smiling, “It’s really so beautiful.”

Isak raked his fingers through Even’s hair, “I don’t know how to describe it, but I just like it so much.” He looked back down and lightly scratched his nails around Isak’s hip sending shivers up his spine. “I like looking at it.”

Even wrapped his hand lightly around Isak’s dick, “I like when I take it in my hand.”

Even held it firmly and kissed it, “I like kissing it.” Isak moaned and thought of when just a little more than an hour ago Even’s mouth was giving his dick the perfect home.

Even cupped Isak’s balls, “Your balls are beautiful, too.” He kissed them, “Here in my hand, they’re so delicate, yet they have weight.” He kissed them again, “So soft.”

Isak was breathless and smiled, “Stop it.”

Even stood up, his lips brushing Isak’s as he stood

“Should we make love again today?” Isak asked looking into Even’s deep blue eyes.

Even shook his head, “I don’t think so. Let’s leave it at that.” He kissed Isak once more then leaned away, smiling, “It’s time for me to go. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Isak agreed, a little sad Even wouldn’t be staying.

“I’ll call you or you call me,” Even suggested.

Isak shrugged, “Whoever gives in first.”

Even nodded, “One more kiss.”

Isak leaned forward and kissed him, rubbing his nose against Even’s.

Even sighed, “Okay, I’ll go now.”

Bare naked, Isak held the door open and Even kissed his cheek one last time.

Isak reluctantly shut the door behind him and returned to his quiet room. He opened his curtains to see the pale sky waking up. He searched for his phone in his jeans pocket. 5:56.

There was a knock at his door. Isak smiled.

He opened the door and before he could great him, Even was asking, “Do you want to stay at my place? I was leaving and on the staircase, and I thought, I couldn’t leave you like this. At least, until tomorrow when we go to the hospital. My place isn’t huge, either, but I want you to see it. It’s a bit-“

Isak cut him off, “Do I get dressed?”

Even laughed, looking down at Isak’s naked body, “Yes, get dressed.”

“Then what?” Isak asked, pulling on his underwear and jeans.

“Then what?” Even copied him, “Then, you’ll take your treatment and I’ll be there.”

“For twenty-eight days?” Isak asked.

“It’s not long,” Even answered.

“And then what?” Isak asked, zipping up his jeans.

“Then you’ll do the test and we’ll wait for the result,” Even walked over to sit on Isak’s bed while he dressed, “And then, after 28 days together, we’ll be strong enough. Even if I’m sure you’ll be negative. After that, if you still want to have sex, if you’re not scared…” Isak smiled, “We can keep going.”

“Then what?” Isak picked up his shirt and found the arm holes with his hands.

Even laughed, “We’ll keep going. There’ll be no reason to stop. We’ll stay together. For a long time.”

Isak pulled his shirt over his head, “How long?”

“A long time, I don’t know!” Even beamed. “Let’s say, twenty years, we’ll do so much. We’ll go to the supermarket and the movies, and maybe we’ll do something big! We could save whales, or maybe just a kitten.”

Isak giggled.

“A cause, a world-changing invention. I don’t know, something,” Even mused.

“Then what?” Isak asked, tugging on his shoes.

“After that, we’ll break up, I guess – like everyone else,” Even’s voice went soft and quiet.

Isak lifted his chin.

“We’ll be sad, but that’s life, right?” Even asked.

“Are you sure it’s worth it? Isak needed to know.

Even just nodded. He looked so sure. Isak was reading his mind.

_We’ll be together forever._

Isak kissed him, “I love you.”

Even smiled and hugged him, “I love you.”

“Should we get breakfast? Something sweet this time?” Isak asked, rubbing Even’s back.

Even nodded. He was first out the door. Isak stopped to lock it. Even was waiting for him at the end of the hallway like the light at the end of the tunnel. Even turned to start walking down the stairs then surprised Isak by quickly turning around and smashing their lips back together. Isak would never get tired of kissing him.

Even let Isak lead the way down the stairs. When he reached the fourth floor, Isak searched in his pocket. “I left my phone upstairs.”

“You’re with me,” Even replied. “Who would you call?”

“Even so,” Isak started to turn back.

Even wrapped his arms around Isak plastering himself to Isak’s back, “If you go back, I’ll leave. It would be over.”

“You mean it?” Isak panted, struck by the sincerity in Even’s voice. Isak wanted to be with him. He wanted to always be with him.

Even held him close with both arms, whispering in Isak’s ear, “I mean it.”

Isak couldn’t be sure whether he did or not, not without looking into Even’s eyes. He swallowed thickly.

“If you turn back, if you look behind you, you lose it all. Everything I promised.” Even kissed his cheek, “Let’s go forward, Isak. We’re not afraid.”

Isak smiled, “Can I use your phone to call my mom? I call every Sunday?”

Even pulled out his own phone from his pocket and handed it to Isak over his shoulder, “Keep it until Monday night.”

Isak reached to take it from him.

“Wait,” Even spoke, “Look.”

The clock on his phone changed from 05:59 to 06:00.

“See?” Even smiled.

 

 

“This is when it all starts.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for all the mistakes. I don't have a beta because I'm a lone wolf, ya'll.


End file.
